I’ve been reading all these moving posts about great moms. Moms who provided a great home, great meals, and most of all – loving support. All these touching beautiful stories…
I’m crying because I didn’t have that.
It leaves a void in your life that can never be filled, right?
I was an accident, and I certainly wasn’t wanted. I spent most of my life alone, even as a baby.
My mom was an abusive alcoholic.The house was dull and dirty. There were no warm and fuzzy memories there.
Love and support? Yeah, no. My grandparents did love us, and they did the best they could to keep us out of our mom’s house. My grandparents kept us clothed, fed and safe. But when it came to prospering, all they knew was get the best job you could live with and stay there until you retired.
We never hugged.
My family never showed any affection. Then I started dating an Italian boy. His family was insulted that I didn’t hug everyone in the room. I was so confused. I came home and asked my grandparents why we didn’t do that. It just never occurred to them.
My mom’s house, my dad’s house, and my grandparents house were all disgusting. Definitely not places you would want your friends to see. I was about 12 when I started trying to clean house.
Our meals were OK for the times I guess. We ate canned vegetables, lots of ground beef, tough round steak, and shake-n-bake chicken. Every Wed. was spaghetti. Every Thurs. was fish sticks and macaroni and cheese. We ate TV dinners and cheap frozen pizza a lot. ICK!
I started teaching myself to cook as a teen.
I essentially raised myself. There were a couple of Jewish moms that convinced me that I was more than a daughter of an alcoholic. That I could be something. Thank God for them!
So when I finally got out on my own, I was a clean freak. I vowed that my house would never be dirty! It would be bright, shiny, warm, comfy and inviting. A happy place!
When my daughter was born, I was determined to be the best mom I could be. I was even more determined after I became a single mom. I never wanted her to feel embarrassed or unloved.
While I did fail her financially, I was able to create a warm and loving home with fresh meals on the table most nights. She has many fond memories.
As a matter of fact, for mother’s day, she gave me a memory jar. It is a mason jar filled with colorful bits of paper. Each one has a memory on it. So cool! Its really hard to only open one a day!
Today’s memory was when I surprised her and totally redid her bedroom. She said the orange made her feel happy.
While not having that warm loving environment to grow up in myself will forever leave a void in my life that can never be filled, I am thankful that I do not have to pass on that legacy.
I created this site for working women who want to provide the best home life they can for their families, get everything done, and still have time and energy to enjoy your home, your family, and your life. I hope that it has helped you.
Because you make a bigger difference than you realize.